I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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