don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
someone owes me an orgasm
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And then my night got REAL pukey
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
