we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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