yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I just went to clothing optional bar
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
