The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
