It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
