i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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