so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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