So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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