Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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