elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
