I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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