a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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