When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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