just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
