You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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