I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
