I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
