"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
