you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
