The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
