you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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