So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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