singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How external is "for external use only"?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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