she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
