Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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