he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
