sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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