I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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