what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
