One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
