dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
