glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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