I'm gonna have a badass scar
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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