its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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