just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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