I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
