Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
