I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
