Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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