I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Say something about gay babies.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.