At least make sure they are 18
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....