the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.