Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet