idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.