I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.