no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize