Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
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Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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