Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
