see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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