Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
