normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
