did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
