Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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