I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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