No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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