I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
