Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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