defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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