lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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