watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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