Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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