either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
how does that bad decision feel?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
