paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
