i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize