Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger