so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
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i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...