i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets