Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
