girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
