And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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