OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
