Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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