Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
