Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
birth control should be required to get into college
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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